Film4: Saturday 25 April, 9pm
Skinny little Zoe Saldana was destined to be something special. After all, by inventing parkour in 1992 Bogotá, she outwitted and evaded the gangsters who killed her parents. Now, trained by uncle Cliff Curtis, she’s an assassin herself, more ninja than Nikita and dreaming of vengeance. (The music goes all wistful at these moments.) “She’s like mist,” says fearful villain Jordi Mollà. FBI honcho Lennie James thinks they’re looking for a man. The fool! Didn’t he see Angelina Jolie in Salt? Curtis saw Al Pacino in Scarface, that’s for sure. Toxic drug-scum action turned up to one hundred and eleven by Luc Besson and Olivier Megaton, the men behind Taken and Transporter 3. So a chainsaw in the showers would be more subtle. Instead we get sharks in a Caribbean crimelord’s indoor pool. And a scarily thin pin-up beating down on beefy bad guys.