Playing It Cool

(2014) ★

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Commissioned to script a romcom even though he’s dying to write action, Chris Evans introduces his sorry story in voice-over. “It’s slow going,” he tells us. Like he has to say this out loud. From the word go we’re made aware this is going to be a self-aware anti-romantic comedy. How about some backstory? (He says that out loud too.) See, the twist is he’s incapable of feeling love because his mom abandoned him after telling him that she loved him. “Time to round up some random chicks,” he says when turning on the charm offensive. And boy it’s offensive. His ‘wacky’ friends hang out at a gun club, insulting each other with ridiculous literary ideas. While cradling their guns. It’s called ‘banter’. Someboy shoot me, please. “You’re very funny,” says Michelle Monaghan to Evans. She’s obliged to. It’s in the script. Which is terrible. Maybe it was aiming to be the Seven Psychopaths of romcoms. But it’s just the story of one insufferably smug jerk and the unavailable woman he fixates upon. A smarmy imitation of Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy with post-modern pretensions. Just Friends with strings attached. The Jerk with a cleverdick. It’s all so mean-spirited and small-minded, which wouldn’t matter so much were any of it funny.

Certificate: 15
Duration: 95min