G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra



Film4: Wednesday 1 July, 9pm

Channing Tatum signs up for an elite secret force run by general Dennis Quaid in an alternate universe of stoopid. Everyone speaks jargon and shouts acronyms in a carnival of carnage that’s like a series of non-stop panic attacks (the average shot lasts no longer than a goldfish blink). This is Thunderbirds with holograms, ridiculous set-pieces full of combat scenes that would kill kids if they tried it at home. Ninjas, too, which is a bit wacky. Mainly it’s just blowing stuff up which, for Hasbro, certainly gets the job done – a new toy range with built-in obsolescence. Oh Joe… say it ain’t so! With ten-foot tall blue aliens with tails, an endless menagerie of talking animals, and costumed comic-book superheroes up the wazoo, could Hollywood possibly get any more childish? You can bank on it. Not that DreamWorks’ big cheese Steven Spielberg should lose any sleep over it: do you suppose he’s going to be remembered as the guy who signed the cheques for The Flintstones, Transformers and G.I. Joe, or as the master craftsman who directed Jaws, Close Encounters, E.T., Empire of the Sun, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List and Munich? Not forgetting one of my favourites, War of the Worlds. Now that was blowing up stuff with real purpose. As for Mad Mike showoff Tatum, he’s deserted G.I. Joe. “I hate that movie,” he said in a radio interview last month, quite het up about it. It was a contractural obligation to Paramount, not Spielberg.

Certificate: 12

Duration: 118min

Other Showings Time & Date
Film4 Monday, 6 July at 9:00PM