Channel 5: Sunday 26 July, 9pm
Milla Jovovich returns as Alice in a blunderland of mutant zombie bloodshed. A virtually abstract mosiac of computerised mayhem and corporate murder. Every step of the way one character or another informs us exactly what’s going on and yet still none of it makes a lick of sense. As for the title, it’s about as meaningful as Terminator Salvation – there isn’t a lot of retributing going on. Mainly it’s just random violence perpetrated by bad gals with big guns. This is humanity’s last stand, promises the finale – the beginning of the end. Promises, promises. Equally ultra bonkers but considerably less diverting is Milla’s 2006 flop Ultraviolet (TCM at 12.35am). It makes The Fifth Element look like a documentary and it must be the first movie deliberately designed to look exactly like a CGI project such as Final Fantasy (which was CGI trying to look like a real film). Everything looks fake. In Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, that was part of the retro charm. Ultraviolet’s all new-fangled stuff, plastic coated in bright primary colours. Manganimation!