5Star: Tuesday 15 September, 9pm
The Hurt Locker was going to make Jeremy Renner a star, but then The Bourne Legacy tanked and he made this. Renner and Gemma Arterton are the abandoned siblings brought up in a gingerbread house. They hunt witches. Trolls are extra. Produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay for MTV Films, this thick-witted splatter fantasy is more grotesque than Grimm.
With stabbings and shootings, sweary dialogue and shoddy 3D FX, it’s literally a bloody mess. With music by Hans Zimmer! Quite a comedown, too, for Tommy Wirkola, Norwegian director of the entertaining Nazi zombies flick Dead Snow. Diane Kruger might have accepted a silly role in The Host, but she turned down the chance to play Gretel. So did Eva Green and Noomi Rapace, apparently.