Conan the Barbarian


(2011) ★★

Channel 5: Sunday 18 October, 11pm

“Game of Thrones was the greatest production I’ve ever been a part of,” Jason Momoa said, almost plaintively, after appearing in another of Hollywood’s ill-considered reboots. He’s predictably inexpressive as the Cimmerian warrior out to avenge the death of his father, Ron Perlman, at the hands of evil warlord Stephen Lang.

There was something daring about John Milius’ 1982 film whereas this is just a rehash splashed with CGI blood as fake as the full moon in the Hyborian night sky. It must have looked even less impressive in 3D. Lacking the grandeur of Game of Thrones, its reliance on casual brutality and creepy witches is more in keeping with The Rock’s Mummy spin-off, The Scorpion King.

(Although this is considerably more sadistic and the boobs are bare.) There’s a serious lack of Schwarzenegger, of course, but just as big a miss is the original’s anvil-pounding music by Basil Poledouris. The most dominant sound here is an amplified yowl – sometimes of triumph, more often of anguish.

Certificate: 15

Duration: 113min

IMDB – Conan the Barbarian

TMDB – Conan the Barbarian

Rotten Tomatoes – Conan the Barbarian