Film4: Tuesday 24 November, 11.25pm
Mild-mannered accountant James McAvoy is turned into a buffed-up assassin by Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman, members of a homicidal Loom of Fate (!!) fraternity so secret it could exist only in a comic book. Which is where this lethal-weapon action comes from – a series of comic books brought to the screen by Night Watch’s Kazakh director Timur Bekmambetov. And nothing’s been lost in translation. The originals were specious and ridiculous, and so’s this: dumb stunts, dunderhead dialogue and CGI slapstick action up the wazoo.
For nearly two hours! With its snarky narration (“Two weeks ago, I was ordinary and pathetic, just like you…”), it comes on like Jumper déjà vu. And who needs that? Sporting more tattoos than the average Premier League footballer, Angelina Jolie looks freakier than usual. And the point of all this loony Loom of Fate mayhem? Well, kids, all you need to look the world in the face is three million bucks in the bank. Oh, and guns with ‘magic bullets’. Jeez.
Ten years after The Matrix, and this is the best Warner Bros can come up with? It’s like being trapped in a dingy basement, listening to the warped fantasies of the Columbine shooters. Hollywood has few stars smarter than Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. What the hell were they thinking? At least the Bbfc had sense enough to slap an ‘18’ rating on it.
|Other Showings||Date & Time|
|Film4||Monday, 30 November at 11:10PM|