Channel 4: Monday 28 December, 4.25pm
Lily Collins auditioned for Snow White and the Huntsman, losing out to Kristen Stewart. Her reward was playing Snow White to Julia Roberts’ wicked queen, who consigns Collins to the beast in the woods. Charmless prince Armie Hammer is even less help than the seven dwarves on stilts.
The humour is either arch or juvenile in a joky fairy tale that looks lavish (the direction’s by Cell and Immortals man Tarsem Singh) but sounds cheap. Less glum than Amanda Seyfried’s Red Riding Hood, sure, but where are Shrek’s scriptwriters when you need them? These savvy jokers include a thigh-slapper about focus groups. The result is not so much West End panto as end-of-the-pier.