Movies on TV Review: Seventh Son

SHARE

(2014) ★½

Sky Movies Premiere: PREMIERE Friday 22 January, 9.45am and 6pm

“When darkness falls, the son will rise…” You see what they did there? Not the sun, but the son. And not any old son, either, but the seventh son of the seventh son. That would be farmer’s boy Ben Barnes, apprenticed to Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges), the last remaining Spook, an order of knights attending to the creatures of the dark. Especially evil witch queens like Julianne Moore, who’s planning to switch off the light.

The tension is almost unbearable – which Oscar winner will corpse first? Moore’s medieval Cruella de Vil? Or Bridges’ drunken exorcist, rolling unseen marbles around his mouth like he’s auditioning for another Terry Gilliam film. He sounds even weirder here than he did in RIPD. It’s the curse of the Oscar, isn’t it? The preordained Aeon Flux moment. The one glimmer of intentional humour comes when Bridges passes a hipflask to Barnes, with the stern instruction: “You must never have more than one sip of this a day.” Barnes wonders why not. “Because it is mine,” says Bridges, taking another slug.

Everything else is digitised 3D mayhem with ultra-extraneous music. Dispatching luckless Kit Harington with indecent haste at the outset, Seventh Son begins as it means to go on – in an inexplicable state of hysteria. Daubed throughout with great swathes of CGI, it’s more like a smudgy imprint of a fantasy than a fully-fledged film. Even behind the scenes, it was a mess. Shot in 2012, the film is copyright 2014, the music copyright 2015. Mysterium tremendum! Pass me that hipflask.

Certificate: 12

Duration: 102min

IMDB – Seventh Son

TMDB – Seventh Son

Rotten Tomatoes – Seventh Son

Other Showings Date & Time
Sky Movies Premiere Saturday, 23 January at 12:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Saturday, 23 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Sunday, 24 January at 9:45AM
Sky Movies Premiere Sunday, 24 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Monday, 25 January at 11:30AM
Sky Movies Premiere Monday, 25 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Tuesday, 26 January at 9:45AM
Sky Movies Premiere Tuesday, 26 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Wednesday, 27 January at 9:45AM
Sky Movies Premiere Wednesday, 27 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Thursday, 28 January at 9:45AM
Sky Movies Premiere Thursday, 28 January at 6:00PM
Sky Movies Premiere Friday, 29 January at 6:00AM
Sky Movies Premiere Friday, 29 January at 12:00PM